Clear for Action! It's ITLAP Day!
It's ole Cap’n Larboard Slushbucket here to heave you a line and take you in tow through the treacherous shoals of piratical parlance and nautical lingo.
There be nothing like ITLAP Day to separate the true swabs with their hearts of oak from the scurvy landlubbers skulking about in the average workplace. It be always best to get right down to brass tacks and stake yer claim to a berth among the former. So, instead of greeting your supervisor with a worm-eaten, lubberly salutation like, “Good morning, boss,. How are you today?” you fire off a salute like this:
“Avast there, ye scurvy bilge rat! Strike yer colors and come under my lee!”
It marks you right away as a bold freebooter.
The same applies to introducing yourself to an attractive coworker. While the cowardly lubber says something like, “Hi! I’m Robert. Might you be interested in joining me for coffee sometime?” ye true pirate takes this approach:
"Arrr, lassie! I likes the cut o’ yer jib! Clew up yer topgallants and heave to! I’m requestin’ permission to lay alongside!”
Chances are, the folks around your workplace will get into the spirit of the thing. But if not, there are worse things for an old pirate than being cast adrift to plot yer own course on a vast, limitless sea. As the old sailors used to say, “Never say ‘die’ while there’s still shot in the locker!”
Ah, but I’ll not cast ye ashore without proper provisions. I’ll leave ye with a bit of pirate wisdom:
Says I: Hear about the pirate that got both his ears pierced?
Says you: No. How much did it cost him?
Says me: A buck an ear!
Says me: Or the pirate with the silver hook and the ivory peg leg?
Says you: That sounds really expensive!
Says me: It was. Cost him an arm and a leg!
Says me: You know where a one-legged pirate eats breakfast?
Says you: Where?
Me: IHOP!
Says me: You know what the pirate said on his 80th birthday?
Says you: What?
Says me: I'M eighty!
Says me You know why pirate jokes are so funny?
Says you: Why?
Says me: They just ahhhrrr!
If ye be wantin' more help with yer piratical prose, chart yer course to Cap'n Slushbucket's ITLAP stories of yore!
So then … until next September 19th, keep yer whistle wet and yer powder dry. Fair winds to ye and followin’ seas!
