Shiver Me Timbers, Shipmates!
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Aaaargh, mateys, it’s come around to International Talk Like a Pirate Day once again. How the time flies when ye’re havin’ rum!
So let’s belay the sojerin’ (stop the goldbricking) and weigh anchor. It’s high time to plot a course for some salty piratical jargon. Once again I advise you to overhaul (re-examine) ye Pirate’s Alphabet. Remember it’s only got two letters and they’re pronounced “aye” and “aahrr.” And they take the place of “yes” and “no” respectively. Belay (stop) all such lubberly mention of “left” and “right.” It’s always “port” and “starboard” and you can lay to that (depend on it).
Clearly there be some swabs who simply use ITLAP Day as an excuse to splice the main brace (imbibe). This be also known as “bleedin’ the monkey.” ‘Tis always fittin’ to refer to yer beverage as “grog.” After one or two an old salt might develop a bit of a list to port or starboard but one who overindulges will soon be “three sheets to the wind” or “gunnels under!"
Whenever a on old Jack Tar steers for a grog shop to oil his throttle and have a gam (chat) with old shipmates and take on a cargo of the latest scuttlebutt (gossip) you can be sure he’ll be keepin’ a weather eye out for saucy lasses and dockside doxies. And when he spies one and admires the cut of her jib (her general appearance), he might try his hand at a salty approach like:
“I must be huntin’ fer treasure, lass, fer I sure be diggin’ yer chest!”
She’ll likely fire a shot or two cross his bow, bring him up short, and take the wind out of his sails with some remark about his schooner bein’ decked out in “winter rig” (no bowsprit).
Aye, the beached mariner always has a keen eye for a lass “round in the transom and bluff in the bow” (you should be able to work this one out yourself by now!) Properly ballasted but not too broad in the beam. But I be cruisin’ into shoal waters here an’ had best mind me Ps and Qs. Time to cut ‘n’ run so, until Next September 19th, I be wishin’ ye fair winds and followin’ seas!
