Healing Arts Space to Open on Ocracoke

Sensing that the community of Ocracoke was ready for a health care change, a cooperative of holistic and spiritual practitioners has leased a space to ply their trade. 

"Non-profit health centers always have difficulty making ends meet. Western medicine is so restrictive. There are rules and regulations about the claims they can make about their services," said Alana Love Spirit, who will cultivate the transformative alternative healing energy center. "The Healing Arts Space can do anything it wants. There’s profit in that.”

"We offer people more choice in their lifeway," said Angel Starchild, who will head up the crystal healing department. "Our services may seem costly to some, but our clients will feel they are collaborating in their own wellness, and you can't put a price on that. Providing this kind of care is freeing to the body and soul. The Space can hire anyone who says they have the gift of healing in them. It makes our paperwork so much simpler.”

While Ocracoke Health Center undergoes some changes in the organization, the Healing Arts Space hopes to take up where they leave off.

"Yes, the Health Center is extending their hours to 7pm," said Love Spirit. "But who will stroke your ego at 8pm? Who will help you with a midnight astral projection gone awry?"

If a reliable, board-certified medical practitioner is what you want, Ocracoke Health Center will be there for you. They've even got antibiotics! And Ocracoke will still have EMS services, so if something feels really wrong after hours, you can, if you feel you must, call upon the industrialized, unnatural, cost-prohibitive big medical-pharmaceutical complex for help.

But for those days when you just feel like your chakras are out of line or your spine needs adjusting, nothing feels better than paying $50 of hard-earned cash for a homeopathic remedy that is one ounce of 100% pure water, clear down to the molecular level. 

“For most people with most illnesses, placebos are all they need,” said a local resident who’s very excited about the Healing Arts Space. “And the Space can offer the real satisfaction of knowing you’re buying a harmless tincture instead of supporting the evil pharmaceutical companies. Sure, ‘ancient wisdom’ is an oxymoron, but people eat this stuff up!”

The Healing Arts Space will have staff on hand 24 hours a day who specialize in iridology, astrology, phrenology, trepanning, cupping, bloodletting, past-life regression, and therapeutic use of colloidal silver. The Space will also employ spiritual leaders from many faiths who will perform the traditional “laying on of hands” as needed.

One island entrepreneur is excited to get involved.

“I’ve always wanted to be a snake oil salesman,” said Philip Howard. “Now here’s my chance, and I don’t even have to leave Ocracoke.” 

Not everyone is as excited as Philip about the new Space. 

"Blame it on Obamacare," said Al Scarborough. "I certainly do."