Breaking: Ferries to Run on Schedule

In addition, if there are too many people to accommodate on one ferry, there will always be a stand-by ferry to transport the extra cars. According to an unnamed source at the Hatteras ferry, “We know the visitors and local residents have been frustrated with the ferry situation and so have we. We’re tired of them calling and texting us so we just going to run the darn things.”

In addition, he says that Homeland Security will be distributing dog treats and granola bars when they come to take down your license plate numbers. “It’s the least we can do to soothe ruffled feathers and nerves,” he said. When asked about the exceptional winds that have affected ferry travel lately, he said that each motor vessel will be equipped with giant sails that can be deployed during Nor’easters to harness the energy and keep the ferries moving. Asked about the expense, he answered, “This cost of the sails will surely be offset in the savings of fuel. Besides, if we can afford nine million dollars for a passenger ferry, we ought to be able to keep the Hatteras ferry running.”

The state has also agreed to keep a dredge operating at all times. It will be shared between the Big Foot Slough that the sound ferries use and Hatteras Inlet. This will also help keep the sound ferries on a regular schedule. As a consolation for the recent reduced schedule, the Swan Quarter and Cedar Island ferries will be adding free WIFI and movies accompanied by popcorn, nachos, and sodas.

Our source says “The sound ferries both take more than two hours so you can’t really expect people to spend that long without something to do can you? We just want to show our passengers some love and electronic media is the best way to do it.”

When asked about plans for the aforementioned passenger ferry, he simply said “No comment.”