Ocracoke Light to be Torn Down
An interagency committee of representatives from the Hyde County Board of Commissioners, NCDOT, U.S. Coast Guard and the National Park Service held a special meeting on Thursday behind closed doors and voted unanimously to, as White House Head Honcho Steve Bannon would put it, “deconstruct” the 194-year-old structure. Citing safety concerns as well as the need for additional parking, a spokesperson for the committee who spoke to the Current on condition of anonymity explained the decision like this:
“Safety at the Ocracoke Lighthouse has always been a concern since, unlike the Hatteras Light, our lighthouse has a staircase which has never been deemed fit for the general public. Park rangers have complained that they’re pretty fed up with listening to tourists whine about not being allowed to get inside and climb the stairs.”
A spokesperson for the Coast Guard added, “In this modern era of satellite navigation systems the light is obsolete as a navigation aid. Heck, we gave it up years ago and turned it over to the Park Service since we had more important responsibilities like search and rescue, navigation channel maintenance, and law enforcement to name a few. “
“Besides,” he said, “when the Trump administration’s 30% reduction of the Coast Guard’s budget takes effect, only a few total idiots will be venturing out in vessels anyway what with no reliable navigation aids or rescue facilities.”
Making America great again like it was back when Blackbeard sailed these waters!
A representative from NCDOT (who also asked not to be named) pointed out that the increasing number of visitors to the island has created a desperate need for additional parking.
“The lighthouse has always taken up all that area with only limited parking space for a few cars and no room at all for tour buses. We have already begun drawing up plans for a multilevel parking garage once we’ve removed the fence and, of course, the lighthouse.
“No doubt there will be some sentimental residents and visitors who will complain that we should have held public meetings to get community input. Of course we tried that with the passenger ferry and tram fiasco. It was like herding cats! So we finally concluded, ‘hey, we’re the government! And being in government means never having to say you’re sorry.”
