May/Trump Hand-in-Hand on O'cocker Violations

May/Trump Hand-in-Hand on O'cocker Violations

U.S-U.K. coalition protects visitors from brogue.

Commencing April 1st, Trauma and Counseling centers will be set up at the Hatteras, Swan Quarter, and Cedar Island ferry terminals providing beds, low lit rooms and headphones with "corrective language audio" for visitors needing assistance in re-acclimation from exposure to the "O'cocker" brogue.

As part of her US trip earlier this year British prime minister Teresa May visited the island and was aghast at her inability to decipher the O'cocker brogue. Miss May displayed concern for the several British subjects (mostly named Andrew) residing on the island who, despite the purported English origin of the "brogue" are witnessing the gradual erosion of their native tongue. Attempting to find respite, Miss May even sought refuge in the British Cemetery, where nearby in the Howard family cemetery she noted "these people can't even get their gravestone dates correct."

In her defense, Donald Trump, after realizing it was not the "Miss May" he was hoping to meet, was overheard to say "It's like, kind of like a 'no-win' sort of thing, see what I'm saying. And I'm a 'winner' so if I can't understand 'em how can I win, sort of thing like. I'd go down and handle it myself, because that's what I do, but my hair wouldn't stand it."

In addition to the Trauma centers, educational materials warning of complications resulting from exposure to the "brogue" will be issued during travel time to all those using the proposed passenger ferry from Hatteras. 

It is hoped that by isolating this issue further action will not be necessary.

This was an anonymous April Fool's submission from a Current fan. Thanks, dear readers, for indulging us on the most fun newsday of the whole year!

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